This article comes fromDen of Geek UK.
Has some nice little moments and memorable big moments.
Shame about the bits inbetween.
AJames Bondmovie that I loved as a child and find increasingly flawed.
Plus,Sean Connerylooks bored by the whole thing.
The Villain:It seems perverse to label one of the great villains of cinema a disappointment.
Yet I find Pleasances Blofeld a largely unsatisfactory villain.
Hes rarely onscreen and does very little when he is.
Also a terrible offender of why dont you just shoot him!
(Or WDYJSH catchy, no?)
The Girl:The first real dud.
Utterly anodyne, utterly unmemorable.
Does pioneer the unwanted title of Bond girl by proxy after the better one was killed off.
(See: Goodnight, Mary.)
Ironically is best remembered for a vaguely silly name.
Hold on thats not ironic!
Oh yes it is: because her name isnt said once in the entire film.
The film literally forgets to name her.
Hold on films cant literally forget to… and thats the space filled up.
By my reckoning thats half of the landmark films in total.
And, afterGoldfinger, the film most integral to the Bond legend is this one.
Watch You Only Live Twice on Amazon
You Only Live Twiceis the first epic Bond.
There is also the first truly bonkers villainous scheme, courtesy of SPECTRE.
I always thought SPECTRE were the sole baddies here.
But rewatching the film I realised this isnt the case.
The smart money is on China.
You Only Live Twicepioneers the silliness that soon became emblematic of the franchise.
Take Bonds death in the pre-credits sequence.
The film doesnt explain the logistics empty guns?
nor whether Ling or the assassins were in on the scheme.
Another pearl is Bonds burial at sea.
The service is read, the guns salute, and the coffin is tipped into the waves.
The coffin is opened and there is Bond!
wearing an oxygen mask and full naval uniform.
These sequences are fun, witty and rather ingenious.
They understand the crucial difference between winking at the audience and treating us as fools.
The low point is Helga Brandt.
Mr Osatos smoking secretary marks the first truly bad moment of the series.
The point the Bond films start taking the viewer for granted…
Detour.
How did we get here?Thunderballsent the series stratospheric, raking in $65 million worldwide.
Hell, throw in solid gold toilet paper for kicks.
Measured by 2015 inflation,Thunderballmade over $1 billion.
Which essentially meant two things:
- Were gonna need a bigger budget.
Who wants a diamond studded mattress?
- Scripts dont matter.
On matters of character, coherency and plot, the writers had rather a lot of creative scope.
And we needed a bad girl.
(Redhead: bonus points!)
And now Blofeld gets to show off his piranhas.
The Bond girl isnt much better.
The most interesting thing about Kissy Suzuki is the fact she isnt called Kissy Suzuki.
Not in the film anyway: the name is lifted from the novel.
She isnt called anything in the film because the film forgets to name her.
Shes charmingly described as having a face like a pig.
(Which at least would make her memorable.)
She is occasionally referred to as Bonds bride or Tigers agent.
But never by any name at all.
This isnt her backstory, or her motivation, or her personality were talking about its her goddamn name!
Everybody has a name!
Did nobody in the production notice this rather major omission?
Probably too busy topping up their tans.
Kitty is a cipher, but then all the characters are ciphers.
Even the ones who trick you into believing they arent.
Hes a good natured kind of chap who happens to be Head of the Japanese Secret Service.
And…thats it.
If we were creating a dating profile for Tiger thats essentially all we could put.
Likes being washed by women, I guess, but wed probably leave that bit out.
Tiger is a charismatic void.
She is certainly a better heroine than whats-her-name, just as Blofeld stands indisputably taller than Nick-Nack.
But nobody would put Aki anywhere near a list of Great Bond Girls.
Or rather there is no emotional impact she dies, Bond and the film immediately move on.
Bond hisses Aki pathetically as she chokes to death in front of him.
Aki is never mentioned again.
It is difficult to reconcile the Blofeld ofYou Only Live Twicewith the Blofeld ofFrom Russia With LoveandThunderball.
Which is pretty much what it does.
Because despite the Great Reveal, this Blofeld is a fleeting presence.
Forget screen-time; you could easily count the number of times Pleasance appears onscreen.
(And no, I didnt.
I thought about it.
But I didnt.)
Another problem is backstory.
Dr. No isnt around for long but he spends most of that time talking about Dr. No.
But Blofeld has no backstory.
Nor is he given any characterisation beyondbeing evil.
But a vague hint of a personality wouldnt go amiss.
How on earth did Blofeld get the gig?
While no Bond villain is a plausible person, they must still be credible as a concept.
I never believe in this Blofeld, even within the Bond universe.
His style is undeniable, memorable, and ultimately damaging.
His substance is non-existent.
The parallels with the film are hard to miss.
After the ninjas have stormed the volcano (what a sentence) Blofeld decides to take Bond for walkies.
Excuse me, Ernst, but WHY NOT SHOOT HIM IN THE CONTROL ROOM??
Or in the secluded corridor if you must.
Anywhere,anywherebut the massive warzone swarming with hostile ninjas.
Did you just want company for the stroll?
Like Brandt, this is another utterly illogical moment that completely takes me out of the film.
Obviously Bond must survive somehow.
And then, doubtlessly, they hit the beach.
I like the sumos, and Henderson is cool.
Charles Grey gives a nicely sinister performance, dying for the first of several times in a Bond film.
Also I rate how Bond kills Hendersons assassin and, impersonating him, ends up at Osatos building.
Nice throwback to the improvisational spying of old.
Although questions must be asked of the driver here.
Fair enough for not identifying Bond in the back of a shadowy car but he then carries Bond upstairs!
Not Little Nellie; the SPECTRE helicopter that inadvertently saves the world.
First it reveals the volcano base to Bond by flying into it.
Then it allows Bond to infiltrate the base by flying out.
Surely, on Armageddon Day, Blofeld might have kept shit on lockdown?
And yes, Little Nellie is a lot of fun.
Albeit a lot less fun than she used to be.
When younger, I loved Little Nellie and all her weaponry.
Now I yawn during that battle but cant ignore the flying deus ex machina.
Adulthood is so sad.
But whos to say adulthood is right?
Aged ten I watched it incessantly.
It was my favourite Bond of the lot.
You cant discount that.
If it wasnt forYou Only Live Twice, I probably wouldnt be writing this now.
I wish I could watch the film as a ten year-old again.
I wish that ten year-old could write this article.
Yes, I foundYou Only Live Twicedisappointing, both compared to its predecessors and my own memories.
But maybe I let it down by growing up?
Best Bit:The piranhas or the volcano.
A TV series character arc accomplished in five minutes.
