Im Jason Helton, and Im a fat ass.

(Hi, Jason!)

Welcome to my little experiment.

And Im going to put them to the test.

My weight and I have had a constant love/hate relationship throughout my 31 years.

As a little kid, I was tall and thin, a total beanpole.

Then, after Christmas 1985, I was introduced to Nintendo.

Hmm…perhaps a call to my lawyer is in order!

So fat that, by the time I hit middle school, my nickname was Rolls.

So, I aged, hit a growth spurt, and miraculously became thin again.

Puberty is a wonderful thing.

Well, that and your parents making you join a swim team two nights a week.

High school came around and I was thin again, 6 tall, and like 140 lbs.

Then I got into martial arts, trained 3-5 nights a week, and became ripped.

I actually had abs!

And they were defined!

Not like TheUltimate Warriorabs, but close enough.

Once college started, I was able to maintain.

Then I entered the working world, and it all went downhill.

It all started when I took my first real IT job for a large pest control company.

It was an easy job, but it required a huge amount of travel.

Thus, I fell into the trap of fast food.

Then, I found the wonderful world of per diem.

It seems that work would pay for all of my food while on overnight trips.

The world was my oyster, and I was slurping that mo-fo down!

I can eat lightning and crap thunder.

I aint got time to bleed.

This condition has me locked, cocked and ready to rock.

Zero pounds to lose, prime condition.

Its the winter chub.

Condition 4:40 pounds to lose Dynamo

Ok, at this point, like Dynamo, Im fat.

This is getting bad.

Condition 3:60 pounds to lose Fat Bastard

The man boobs commeth.

Im large, love to eat, and need a lot of training.

Its going to take at least a good six months of work from this point.

Now, Ive lost this weight before.

Ill be honest, I dont think I can do this.

Best trade I ever made.

Its not that its a bad system; its just that I never enjoyed the games past their novelty.

I finishedRed Steel, and that was a frakking chore.

Thank you, honey.)

I hate working out for the sake of working out.I love to play sports.

Problem is, Im too fat to fit in my pads.

Perhaps when the weight comes down, I can supplementWii Fitwith hockey.

Iloveto eat.I could literally snack non-stop.

Here in the States, we eat terribly.

And I still travel for a living, which explains the large amount of carryout trash in my car.

Im a stress eater.

When I get stressed, I eat, and, shit, if Im not stressed.

But when Im stressed, or bored, or sad, I eat.

And thats a bad thing.

This is important!)

I dont have time for a gym, or for long walks with the moose around the neighborhood.

Now, Ill be honest, Im exaggerating a little with my descriptors.

I dont really look like Trapper Keeper.

But the sad fact is, I feel and think I look like Trapper Keeper.

This is just a descriptor of my own self-image.

The fact is, at 61 tall, the recommended ideal weight for me is 184 lbs.

That gives me a goal of 100 pounds to lose.

But Im putting some rules on this program.

Think of them as the rules of Fat Club:

1.

You do not talk about Fat Club.

You DO NOT TALK ABOUT FAT CLUB.

The primary workout method is usingWii Fit.

This is an experiment, so it is imperative thatWii Fitbe the primary method for weight loss.

Other things like sports can be added in as the experiment progresses.

Nothing unhealthy, as in no roids, diet drugs, starvation, at-home liposuction with a Shop-Vac etc.

Just diet andWii Fit.

Though rules 1 and 2 apply, youcanblog about Fat Club.

So, the game is on.

Week 1 will begin sometime before the end of the upcoming weekend.

I guess well find out.

You can send words of encouragement or flames toJason@ironotaku.net.

Now, off to enjoy one of my last cheesesteak subs.

Oh, how I will miss them.