Ron Perlman and Christopher Lee featured in the last Police Academy movie to date.
Join us as we look back on Mission To Moscow…
The Academy is backski!
With a tagline like that, what could go wrong, right?
As such, it didnt even gross $150,000 at the US box office.
In short,Police Academy: Mission To Moscowkilled the series, even though talks continue about a remake.
But of all thePolice Academyfilms, did it deserve to be the fatal bullet?
As it turns out,Police Academy: Mission To Moscowis a fascinating mess.
That has to count for something.
Producer Paul Maslansky had originally wantedPolice Academy 6to head to Moscow, under the subtitleOperation Glasnost.
Thus,Police Academy 6becameCity Under Siege, andMission To Moscowwouldnt follow until five years later, in 1994.
Furthermore, it features filming in Red Square, and scenes of the Bolshoi Ballet.
It seems odd that aPolice Academyfilm would be at the heart of such a cultural union.
Whats more, it had been a film wed had to wait for.
But thats absolutely not the case here.
Instead, its basically less of the same.
As a consequence, G W Baileys Captain Harris was written in at the last minute.
Because it was a bit last minute, and bodged together.
For while thePolice Academyteam was in the country, the 1993 Russian constitutional crisis was happening.
This resulted in ten days of street fighting in Moscow, with tanks shelling Boris Yeltsins White House.
Some of the damage is visible in the final cut of the movie (right near the end).
Sequences had to be very quickly rearranged to accommodate the violence that was breaking out around the production.
It would be fair to say this was not an easy shoot.
The central conceit is that a videogame is taking over the world.
Furthermore, we get teased screenshots ofThe Gamelater in the film, and it looks, well, shit.
Quite possibly the most uninteresting videogame either real or fake that weve ever seen.
As a predictor of the future,Mission To Moscowis close to the money.
Well, in some regards.
Turns out though thatThe Gameis Hellboys fault.
As you might expect, though, hes not that high on the list of the films problems.
It seems folly to stare slackjawed at the plot, for instance, but how can you help it?
The Russian mafia is distributing a Game Boy and PC game, thats taking over the world.
Of all the people he could have called in the world?
Even as a piece of internal logic, its challenging.
Naturally enough though, its aPolice Academysequel, and a later one at that.
Thus, finding a laugh is the equivalent to picking up a very toughWheres Wallybook.
Even funny noise man seems to be running out of funny noises, although Im still a fan.
The team is rounded out by Charlie Schaltter, introduced as Cadet Connors.
Or: hes the replacement for the man (Matt McCoy) who replaced Steve Guttenberg.
Also, I still reckon thatAssignment Miami Beachis as bad as thePolice Academyfilms got.
At least inMission To Moscowthere are things to keep an eye out for.
He doesnt get much screentime, but along with Perlman, hes worth waiting for.
When the movie does make use of its Russian setting, its better.
But even so, I reckon it could takeThe Game.
It really does feel as though 90 percent of the effort here went into 10 percent of the film.
Neither got what they wanted.
Is it a disaster though?
Furthermore: I still think Michael Winslow, he of the funny noises, is a genius.
But its just flat.
