Christopher Lambert didn’t like it.

Director Russell Mulcahy doesn’t like it.

Audiences didn’t like it.

But is Highlander II that bad?

Indeed, by the end of the film there is only one.

Thus ends the story.

Worker 2:Sean Connery is the Scottish one, right?

Ad content continues below

Worker 1:No, hes Egyptian.

Worker 2:But there arent any Egyptian characters.

Worker 1:Hes the the one with the Spanish name.

Worker 2:So he gets a Spanish accent?

Worker 1:No, he gets a Scots accent

Worker 2:What about the Scottish one?

Worker 1:French.

Worker 2:Any others?

Worker 1:Theres the Russian one with the American accent.

Worker 2:Im resigning.

Weird thing is though, a sequel did get made, with the same director and everything.

So naturally, youd expect something similar, with all those weird accents and flashbacks across history.

Well youd be wrong.

And while remarkably stupid, its also remarkably entertaining.

Really, its not as bad as youve heard.

Theres an explosion and a sword fight and its really good, I swear.

Its so good in fact that…

No, I cant do this, I cant.

I started writing this to try and shed a different light on this unappreciated classic, but I cant.

I really cant.Highlander IIis awful.

This is the film that had such bad continuity its arguably the worlds first reboot.

This is a film that wishes it could be as good asSanta Claus Conquers The Martians.

It also retcons the prize to a choice between dying slowly or being executed.

Turns out they already had some sort of weird civil partnership thing going on, using magic space honey.

Also, MacLeod was head of the immortals, I mean Zeistians.

A distant past that has access to time travel and has laser battles in the debris of crashed spaceships.

I dont own the VHS, I own the Blu-ray.

So, to the movie.

Connor MacLeod, ladies and gentlemen, our hero and saviour!

At the very least it should be credited for not going down the tired rehash sequel route.

Youre unlikely to ever see a film quite like it ever again.

Its just, nothing about it makes any sense at all.

This guy, right here, my husband, Connor MacLeod.

Yes, the punishment for treason on Zeist is immortality some place nicer.

No wonder the rebellion seems to involve 80 percent of the population.

General Katana, on the other hand, doesnt like this.

He doesnt like this so much that he forgets about it entirely.

You see, General Katana is an immortal too, so he… doesnt like immortals?

And then MacLeod yells Ramirez for some reason and now Ramirez is alive again.

Because shut up, thats how it works.

She plays a terrorist commando.

In the original ending, she flies into space, using magic.

Dr Cox fromScrubsis in this too, doing an awful Orson Welles impersonation.

Lets just say its a wonder they had the balls to call him Dr Cox after this film.

(He gets his testicles crushed).

Did any of that make sense?

If it did, Im not doing this right.

Nothing in this film makes any sense at all.

As mentioned earlier, I own the Blu-ray of this.

They dont even sell it in this country I had to import it off eBay at considerable expense.

This is in the version that had all references to space taken out.

Ill give you one thing, at least this film is consistently awful.

Christopher Lambert threatened to do the same.

Then they took control of editing and tried to make… God knows.

A film so bad everyone involved disowned it.

Amazingly, it didnt destroy the franchise.

They all have one thing in common, though they all pretend thatHighlander IInever happened.

They all also have to retcon the ending of the firstHighlanderas well, though, but thats a given.

In fact the only thing that is constant about the franchise is that it continuously retcons itself.

So the upcoming reboot is hardly anything new.

Do you know what the really sad thing is?Highlander IIisnt actually the worstHighlanderfilm.

Not by a long way.

Because there can be only one.