Oh Hollywood, youre having a phase.
It is in this vein that we are gettingHansel and Gretel: Witch Hunterson Friday.
At the beginning of the last decade, Stephen Sommers was on top of the world.
The classic supernatural horror that dominated cinema in the early 20thcentury had come back in vogue.
Kenneth Branagh was putting an emphasis on ACTING with his 1994 version of Mary ShellysFrankenstein.
All these movies have two things in common.
The first is that they were all very artistic and high intentioned.
The second is that they were essentially remakes of classic horror films from Universal.
These were Universals bread and butter for the whole of the 1930s and 1940s.
So why was everyone else doing them?
And why were they so damn artsy?!
Universal reversed both trends when they releasedThe Mummy(1999).
As a remake of a 1932 studio original,The Mummyallowed exclusive branding for the studio.
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Yep, Sommers was sitting pretty atop the Universal logo.
Indeed, Sommerss Van Helsing is not even a doctor nor has the name Abraham.
Sommers changed the name to Gabriel supposedly because he couldnt take a lead character with the name Abraham seriously.
He even has a black trench coat like the heroes in that other surprise hit movie from 1999.
Sommerss monster hunting bad boy was ready to kick ass!
What does the Count want him for?
He may also be the Archangel Gabriel from the Books of Daniel and Luke.
Fortunately, Draculas brides massacre half the town, thereby letting Van Helsing prove his monster-killing credentials.
After some romantic I cant stand you banter between Gabe and Anna, they go bust up Draculas castle.
Chaos and bloody awful CGI ensue.
The characters in this movie are more archetypal stand-ins from better films than actual people.
Does he care that Dracula knows who he once was?
), there is no reason for the audience to get invested in his journey.
Beckinsale is likewise left adrift in the movie.
The rest of the cast cannot be fairly judged by their performances here.
I have seen Roxburgh, Wenham and Anaya show strong work in other, smaller films.
However, they all play the same garish notes in this monstrous headache.
That is not to say that there is nothing of quality in Van Helsing.
The score by Alan Silvestri is rousing Saturday serial fare.
Unfortunately, that means all their hard work is buried under oceans of subpar CGI.
Much like Sommerss previousMummy Returns,every scene looks like a video game.
This could have been a good movie.
Something this mindlessly awful is not made by mere accident.
