Contains spoilers forGame Of Thronesseason six.
I Can Make You Happy.
No, not the last-ditch plea of a sobbing spouse, but the title of a popular self-help book.
Its little wonder people bought it.
If only we could all be happy, wed all be so muchhappier.
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There are those with no need of Mr. McKennas powerful psychological techniques of course.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present the utter TV bastard.
The utter TV bastard stands alone among fictional villains.
Utter TV bastards have neither conscience nor cause.
The arbitrariness of their villainy is precisely what qualifies them for the title.
Well, one reason.
Ramsay Bolton took more joy in torturing his victims than Ned holier than thou Stark ever took from anything.
A new wolf-pelt cloak.
A bit of the other from the wife.
That lovely, cozy feeling when your head is attached to your neck.
Honor might have earned Eddard Stark respect, but it sure as hell didnt make him happy.
Chiefly because he spent his life bringing about other peoples bad days and relishing every blood-soaked second.
Untrammelled happiness in evildoing is the chief condition here.
No, a true utter TV bastard has to be shiningly, uncomplicatedly happy in villainy.
Think the delight of Mr Burns opening that ecology-destroying pet-food factory to Lisa Simpsons profound dismay.
Or every chilling smile in the eyes ofFargos Lorne Malvo.
It can be a lonely life, that of the utter TV bastard.
That comes as a natural consequence of murdering your family and making a hobby of sadistically abusing your minions.
Not that isolation really bothers them.
Self-contained, living-in-the-moment, content types, unlike the rest of us they dont need companions, only victims.
Have you ever met a happier evil bodybuilder?
(Skeletor rule#1 Never skip arm day.)
Defeatism is for the weak-minded and people who dont have a magic rams head on a stick.
Whatever the result, Skeletor was perpetually chuffed with himself.
Thats the natural state of the utter TV bastard.
They can meet with those two imposters triumph and disaster just the same.
Doctor Whos Missy is clearly of their ilk.
High on life and mad as a box of particularly unhinged frogs, she doesnt sweat the small stuff.
Regrets are a foreign country to utter TV bastards like her.
The outfits might have something to do with their confidence.
These folk dress to c’mon nobody but themselves.
From Skeletors BDSM Centurion chic to Missys Scary Poppins get-up, they clearly enjoy getting ready in the morning.
No dull polyester or faceless uniforms here.
Choose a job you love, its said, and youll never work another day in your life.
Thats something the UTVB gets spot-on.
By choosing the job of an incorrigible, ninth-circle-of-hell evildoer they guarantee themselves workplace satisfaction.
Become an utter bastard and every morning will feel like Christmas.
You have a blessed day.
This article originally appeared onDen of Geek UK.
