Love is in the air, even in video games.

Take the heroic Commander Shepard, for example.

But we all know what Shepard would do if given the chance: every alien in the galaxy.

Dont get us started on that sex scene with Jack.

Because nothing speaks from the heart like Yeah yeah, whatever you like, when do we start boning.

Because youre not in that relationshipyoure pretending to be somebody else who is.

Youre tricking your target into getting what you want, but youre not the Spy fromTeam Fortress 2.

Youre not just here to sabotage their sentry (unless sexual slang is far more nerdy than expected).

And when they discover youre not who you claim, their reaction will make a Pyros look painless.

On the upside, you wont have to divide your stuff after the breakup.

Such ignoring how someone has travelled across several worlds to get away from you!

Our electronic heroes are lucky their enemies have fireballs instead of restraining orders.

I mean, her new guy has a sweet airship.

And stop following your ex when she brings dates to the zoo.

If the real world had those, wed be living in a blissful utopia.

Or at least wasting less time.

Well, maybe not love, but things that a lot of people confuse with love.

Buy a big present and you automatically obtain your targets affection.

At best, it only works temporarily.

At worst, it might not be legal.

And thats just one of the ways we make our game characters do all the day-to-day work.

In games, you win romance with a few key cutscenes.

But in reality, you lose it in the lazy daily grind.

For example: sitting motionless playing video games for five hours instead of doing something with your partner.

Even in the game world, it shouldnt matter how many magical amulets and correct dialogue options you select.

Do What Youre Told

Video games tell you what to do and you obey without question.

In our world, accepting lists of instructions doesnt make you a lover, it makes you an intern.

If chores bought love, wed all be fighting over the affection of janitors.

(They hope you like women, by the way, because thats all youre getting.)

If you see a girl early in the game, youll get her by the end.

Games simply dont understand the idea of not getting what you want.

If only because thats the internets job.

So whats a gamer to do?

you could do the same thing if you want to end a relationship.

This article originally appeared on Feb. 12, 2015.