The scariest video game monsters might not be the ones you expect.

And youre always the monster.

Mario

Mario is the classic movie monster: he kills wherever he goes.

And if theres no body, hes not dead.

Hes Mario Myers, the utterly unkillable plumber.

Hes even got a distinctive murder method: crushing victims beneath his feet.

Like most movie murder methods, its ridiculously impractical but terrifying for anyone who finds the bodies.

He psychotically charges into new lands to kill beings whove never done him any harm.

Look at Super Mario Bros 1-1.

Those mushrooms and turtles were just out for a walk!

He even draws power from their painful deaths.

Hes not a robot, hes a Franken-Borg-cannibal.

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Mega Mans entire existence is psychological horror.

The story usually says that the bosses have been reprogrammed by the evil Dr Wily.

And even though youre dead, he can still eat you.

Worst of all, that enduring fragment is nothing but your eyes.

So that even double-death doesnt interrupt your endless view of your infinite prison.

Were not sure how Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde managed to annoy Hades this hard.

Or how they got stuck in a sealed labyrinth with an endlessly hungry electro-minotaur.

Or the Tantalus-torment of all the food.

Even when they manage to stop Pac-Man, its only for a second.

He vanishes, only to reappear all over again.

Even Sisyphus didnt have it that bad.

At least his giant spherical nemesis wasnt trying to eat him.

Link is every Japanese horror movie combined into one blonde little package.

Hes a family curse on the Ganondorf bloodline.

No matter where Ganondorf settles, a Link will be spawned to destroy him.

And in the finest tradition of horror, the Link always inhabits a cute little kid.

Which you see on a screen.

HesThe GrudgeandTheRingincarnated across every possible fantasy world.

All the material might in the world is pointless.

And in the video game world, the Lovecraftian gods are YOU.

You existed ages before them, because you turned on the console.

Their feeble minds seem stupid to you.

Their minds cant comprehend your evil.

In fact, youre worse than the Lovecraftian gods.

They dont care about their victims.

You do it on purpose.

Youre the ultimate evil god, summoning them to do nothing but die for your pleasure.

Youre the greatest and most sadistic monster in the entire history of virtual monsters.