Fox presents a Glee-ful retelling of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but not a happy one.

And then Andrew said prunes?

Who the fuck read this to them?

Dana Andrews turn inNight of the Demonwas one of the great satanic mechanic-built whodunit jalopies.

Levan could at least have read Patricia Quinns lips on the first movie.

Budding performers scrabbled together with fans in makeshift costumes that got slightly better by the week.

We studiedThe Rocky Horror Showlike a bible.

It was cheaply made and better for it.

It is an attention grabbing distraction that doesnt add to the performance or the viewing experience.

It hits new lows when they take a stab at work the audience participation lines into the dialogue.

The Meat Loaf line, for instance, is real gag-killer.

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Somebody shoot the trumpet player, the overplaying, attention grabbing wanna-be lead guitarist.

All of the music is paced too quickly.

It doesnt add to the excitement of the performance, though.

A lot of times it sounds like they are hurrying to keep up.

Victoria Justices overdone trills turn every line into a nursery rhyme lullaby.

Oh and what happened to Brads falsetto?

Ryan McCartan saves his upper register for one blast at the end.

Laverne plays it like shes in on a joke.

She doesnt have the mania, the true commitment to the reality.

Coxs mad scientist is more Bowie than Curry when it could have turned up the Grace Jones volume.

Ryan McCartan does an almost perfect impression of Barry Bostwicks major asshole, Brad Majors, though.

Reeve Carneys Riff Raff was the best surprise of the night.

He took the character to new and exciting places, especially compared with Columbias bored urban fangirl mockery.

Poor Magenta, she barely registers, regardless of her transfixing day-glow hair.

Why doesnt she get to slide down the bannister on the stairs as an intro?

I did love Sal Piro, one of the original great shadow-cast members, as the photographer.

He caught that voice perfectly.

Ben Vereen flubs a few lines: swaps pain for shame, and knows many a great thing.

But his Nazi bit aint fooling no one.

He always wanted to wear fishnets.

Staz Nair didnt have the muscle to pull off Rocky.

Why are Rockys shorts so long?

He should be straining at the seams.

And would it kill you to give him a second belly button?

Dr. Furter comes across as more desperate than seductive in the mistaken identity scenes.

Theres no horse spitality.

Columbia pulls out Brads aces, taking away any possibility of a sexual innuendo.

Brad doesnt grab Janets breasts when the car hits a bump.

You cant imagine this Janet ever exclaiming Oh Brad, Im pregnant.

Instead, she solidifies her typecasting as a Disney after school special actress.

The most depressing segment may have turned me off permanently.

Toucha Toucha Touch Me mademefeel dirty.

Think Buck Henry inSaturday Night Live.

It gave me a queasy feeling, like it was underage smut or something.

Why is everybody wearing so much clothes in the floor show?

Theyre more dressed there than they are when theyre running around the castle.

Finally, Tim Curry is a class act.

Rating:

1.5 out of 5