Jenny was scared of The Care Bears Movie as a child.

Here’s what happened when we made her rewatch it…

This article originally ran onDen of Geek UK.

The last time I watchedThe Care Bears Movieit terrified me.

Having said that, I was about five.

They go round claiming to care about everyone, even people who are really show at cashpoints.

There was a TV series too, but the plot of that mostly consisted of a missing birthday cake.

And it never failed to creep me out.

The point is, does it still scare me now Im an adult?

Lets see if this 1985 classic is as full of peril as I remember.

Next we meet our two human protagonists, Kim and Jason.

Kim and Jason dont have parents, so theyve decided to hate everyone in the world.

I like Kim and Jason.

I too hate most people, so we have a lot in common.

The bears decide that they can restore Kim and Jasons faith in humanity.

They overlook the fact that bears arent human, and that Kim and Jason probably think theyre hallucinating.

While this is going on we meet Nicholas.

Nicholas is a magicians assistant who doesnt have any friends and is terribly lonely.

He should go on Tinder or something.

The book is a lady, and is a bit evil.

I dont know the name of the book lady, so Im going to call her Janet.

Janet is good she knows how to get stuff done.

However, it should be noted that I was terrified of Janet when I was little.

What an evil genius Ive grown up to be.

I suspect these spells are going to turn out to be evil.

I suspect this because Ive seen this movie loads of times.

But for now, Janet is promising to help Nicholas.

Its been broken for ages, but those two stupid baby ones manage to fix it by breaking it.

There follows another lovely song, in which Kim and Jason learn the meaning of Christmas.

So thats all sorted out now.

I dont see why Nicholas gets so pissed off about this.

I have a Janet in my head a lot of the time when Im trying to write.

They start fighting, resulting in hilarious facial expressions.

There is a very real possibility that this will bring on the Care Bear apocalypse.

I think this means the Conservatives are ahead.

Maybe they have to find the lost feelings, I dont know.

That last paragraph contained spoilers, so if you dont want spoilers go back and dont have read it.

This bit is punctuated by yet another musical interlude, and a maypole.

Its possible that someone at Sega was a fan of this movie.

The rabbit runs round the tree, confusing it so it gets all its branches tied up in knots.

Then the tree just sort of goes away.

The evil tree was arranged by Janet in an attempt to stop the Care Bears.

When this doesnt work, she has another go with an evil bird.

Were nearing our final battle now.

They try doing a Care Bear Stare on her, but this fails miserably.

Again, youre welcome.

Their only chance now is to end the book and lock it, trapping Janet inside.

Fortunately, Jason has been keeping the key safe in his pocket for just such an eventuality.

However, when he goes near Janet with the key, she eats the key.

Surely everyone is now doomed?

They key works and Janet is banished back to wherever it is she came from.

Nicholas makes friends with Kim and Jason, and they all live happily ever after.

Remember Mr Cherrywood from the beginning?

Well, you get absolutely no prizes for guessing that he is future Nicholas.

He now runs an orphanage, so he can care about millions of kids and read them stories.

Like that bit where there are bears that can talk.

No wonder I grew up how I did.