Krampus is back this Christmas and he’s not bringing cookies.
We look at the legend of the anti Claus himself.
Holy shit, youbetternot pout.
Allow us to give you a quick education on Krampus, the anti Claus of northern Europe.
Remember the Heat Miser from the 70s Rankin/Bass Christmas specials?
This guy makesthe Grinchlook charitable.
Krampus is like a badSanta Claus, only hungrier.
He is the coal in the stocking of little Bavarian kids who were naughty during the year.
Burgermeister Meisterburger must have had a Krampus ornament on his tree.
Krampus is aChristmascharacter, like Kris Kringle.
In recent years it has looked like Krampus is the new holiday standard.
So lets look at the origins.
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Krampus comes from Germanic folklore.
He looks like a demon and sticks bad kids in a bag.
He carries around bells, chains and a very phallic birch branch.
Krampus comes the German word krampen, which means claw.
I wonder if thats where Sandy Claws comes from inThe Nightmare Before Christmas.
Krampus is just a demon who into his fathers business.
His father was Hel in Norse mythology.
Whips and chains instead of tinsel and trains.
The Krampuslauf is a run where local men traditionally take a stab at get Krampus to drink some schnapps.
For years, the Catholic Chuch tried to keep a lid on Krampus.
It was lascivious and kind of seedy.
Fascists werent too thrilled with it either.
Austria tried to make money off Krampus by selling chocolate-covered Krampuses (Krampii?
), ornaments and toys.
If you look at the cards, Krampus seems to also have a thing for top-heavy women.
Shatner played Dangerous Dan, a DJ pulling in some holiday overtime while Santas elves become zombie Krampuses.
George Buza plays Santa Claus, at ground zero of a new epidemic.
He launches a PR attack trying to replace Christmas with Krampus Day.
So set a place for Krampus this Christmas.
But hide the kids and the silverware, hes got a bag.
