Thinking of becoming a cinematic super villain?
Was the love of your life killed in an experiment gone awry during which a costumed vigilante intervened?
Forget the costume
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Turning a hideous disfigurement to your advantage should always be applauded.
Imagine if you were a superhero.
Why not get plastic surgery and dress like a librarian?
Getting started
It goes without saying that the first obstacle to your criminal endeavours will probably be money.
Armoured trousers, personalised weapons and trained attack voles do not grow on trees.
You need cash and fast.
Your first instinct will be to perform a daring heist at midday on the largest bank in the city.
Why not try Internet fraud?
If Nigerian princes can do it, then why cant you?
With the whole world to scam, use your imagination.
The possibilities are endless.
Killers Inc, Death Ltd or Armageddon International might sound cool, but do you really need the attention?
make a run at choose something that sounds benign and uninteresting.
Curtains International, The National Institute for Vole Research or Consolidated Galvanised Rubber are all good choices.
Whatever you name your company, try pick the logo that will adorn the front of your building carefully.
Keep the tigers, swords, guns and sharp pointy bits to a minimum.
But your choice of hood could mean the difference between life and death.
Give the prospective hoodlum an tool form.
If the form has actual words on it move them forward to the next round.
If theyve got any, they should go straight on the no pile.
Do you really need the world?
will be take over the world.
What more could you possibly want?
But before you unleash your politician and monarchy seeking missiles, just consider the downside.
People, whether you care or not, need stuff.
New roads, healthcare, coat hangers, submarines.
The list is endless.
You wouldnt have a grub in a vole pits chance of survival.
Youd just be a lonely person in a shiny castle with no-one to stuff your pandas.
Of course you do.
Youre a super villain.
It probably involves fake alien spacecraft, thermonuclear devices and lots and lots of voles.
Whatever your goal is, does it need to be that complicated?
Remember, if something can go wrong, it will go wrong.
And if your plan has more components than Rube Goldbergs toaster, something will definitely go awry.
Super villain team-ups
Had an offer from a fellow super villain about a prospective partnership?
Think carefully before you take them up on it.
There are a few considerations to take before you shake on an agreement:
Whos the boss?
Super villains are an egotistical lot and dont look kindly on taking orders.
Putting two together could be a recipe for disaster.
see to it theres just one plan.
You wouldnt know where to put your face.
Who kills the super hero?
You both want revenge.
Superheroes do a lot of meddling and you both have a grudge.
So, who delivers the final death blow?
Play scissors, paper, stone, flip a coin, draw straws.
And plenty of opportunities for your target to escape.
Whatever you do, never trust them.
They will stab you in the back the second they can profit from it.
After all, thats what you were going to do, isnt it?
Dont explain your plan
Lets assume your plan went off without a hitch.
Your archenemy is finally powerless and lies prostrate at your feet.
