This is your return toJonathan Creekas the formidable DI Gideon Pryke…

I was medically dead for five days, this was the day before Good Friday before Easter.

2000 years after Jesus.

Thats what Jesus said, you could laugh!

So on the fifth day you rose again.

Dont try and squash this, I was dead for five days and Jesus was dead for three.

I went down on Crap Thursday which is the day before Good Friday.

So from Crap Thursday to bank holiday Monday, can you imagine that?

A bank holiday, there is nothing weirder than that, try telling that to the bankrupt.

So I beat Jesus 5-3 and I became the new Jesus.

No I cant say that, there has only ever been one Jesus.

I am not being sycophantic but I think David has written a fantastic piece.

It is such an interweaving plot.

You just think What the fuck is going on?

Were you really medically dead for five days?

Have you fully recovered?

Which is fantastic because I have died already, I have been there and come back.

I am completely recovered thank you.

I wanted to do a live tour and tell people about how great Rik Mayall is.

Did I tell you I was given a doctorate?

You didnt know this?

I was given a doctorate, awarded a doctorate.

Right out of the blue they awarded me this doctorate; I thought This is nice!

a doctorate of literature for writing thousands of knob jokes.

So I am now Dr The Rik Mayall a pan-global phenomenon.

Talking about thousands of knob jokes….

What is the number that is a bigger than a billion?

A trillion

Okay what is the number that is bigger than a trillion?

Is that a fact?

okay so a quadrillion, what was it?

IsBottomgoing to be returning, can you elaborate on that?

I promised myself I wouldnt today because I want to talk about….whats it called again?

I want to talk aboutJonathan Creek.

Yes I am completely recovered thank you!

Youre dodging the question!

Yes with my skills at dodging.

So I was having a wank this morning…

There have been a lot of rumours on Twitter.

People get the blues in their forties, like the male menopause.

I missed most of that because I was…

Dead?

Yeah I was dead!!

Also I was stuck in recovery.

Err no, I was thinking more of Hannibal Lecter.

He is very rich though, and he does it without my vanity.

What are you doing next?

Just going back toJonathan Creek…

But I am supposed to be talking aboutJonathan Creek, of course!

I know the whole thing, I think you have to.

It depends on the kind of actor you are too.

It is a real page turner; it could have been a novel.

Nigel Planer is in this episode…

Yes I meant to say that!

Did you get to share screen time with him in this?

I got to share a lot of dressing room time with him.

He is such an animal; he nearly put my back out three or four times.

I see him in normal life anyway but it was so nice.

I would love to do something with Nige again.

I would love to do more on the stage, having actual contact with the audience is great.

you could give them a good seeing to!

And on that note, Rik Mayall, thank you very much!