We sit through every Police Academy movie, and work out which is the best.
Spoiler: It’s not the first one.
Police Academyhad the potential to be good.
UnlikeMeet the Spartansthey actually bothered to put some jokes in, and most of these werent bad.
Listen to Steve Guttenberg.
He sounds like hes wisecracking, but there is no wisdom there.
Its like they wrote placeholders and then forgot to do another draft.
Theres some pedigree in one of the writing team though.
Theres plenty of scope for a great comedy in this set-up.
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Police Academyhas moments that approach its influences, but theyre only moments.
The franchise never gains any momentum.
In reverse order of quality, then…
7.
What does the writer think when he writes this?
The jokes in this one are a distant memory fifty minutes in.
Imagine if theyd actually gone with that.
Thatd be an amazingly jarring ending.
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6.
Its all very, very Poochie and now I never want to listen to music again.
Still, noPolice Academyfilm starts well.
Its like he suddenly knows how the audience must feel.
Nonetheless, its hard to know where this film peaks.
Police Academy 7 Mission To Moscow
Just look at that picture above, for a start.
That guy fromDiagnosis Murderwho isnt related to Dick van Dyke.
That said, the budget only stretched to allow five of the regulars to take part.
Hence, the smaller central cast.
What grates about this film specifically is the array of idiotic sound effects that just stop making sense.
Ron Perlman gets kneed in the balls and theres the sound of a cow mooing.
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4.
Police Academy 6 City Under Siege
Captain Harris gets a good joke at the start of this film.
This is possibly the only time this happens in the entire franchise.
They get pranks played on them.
These are old jokes, done better by circus clowns and silent film stars, regurgitated here.
And they had two goes at writing one.
ThenCity Under Siegeremembers its aPolice Academyfilm and all its energy dissipates rapidly.
They really cared about the plot in this one too, with an actual mystery to solve.
The last hour is everyone in the squad getting a fight scene, like aPolice Academyversion ofThe Avengers.
Hightower threatens to shoot them if theyre lying, which almost makes the preceding minute worth it.
On that note, how has Tackleberry never shot anyone?
In fact, how do these people still have jobs?
Why am I questioning the internal logic ofPoliceAcademy?
What went so wrong with my life?
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3.
When youre older, the best thing about it is probably Ted Ross moustache.
It sets out the franchises stall by being frustratingly inconsistent.
Long, slow scenes bereft of jokes sag without momentum before a good gag arrives like a mercy killing.
Also unexpected upon revisiting the film: its depiction of police racism.
It might just be the weakest comedy to ever spawn six sequels.
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2.
Police Academy 2 Their First Assignment
This is like a SyFy film.
Just as those fail at being a proper drama, these fail at being a comedy.
Admittedly, if you want a laugh, its not a terrible idea to watch a SyFy film.
Like theyve hired the tenth best actor available for most of the roles.
Meanwhile, Steve Guttenberg is still wearing cut offs.
Fuck you, the Eighties.
It means the ending has a hint of tension to it, but is also quite funny.
A superior effort to the first one then, but mainly due to the guest actors.
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1.
Its indulgent, but its also really not bad.
Here, its like theyve finally worked out how to make the concept work.
Like the opposite ofTaken.
Recent suggestions involve a reboot, or the original cast schooling new cadets.
This article comes from Den of Geek UK.
