My question whenever anyone has written such a personal book is why, and why now?
Also, I thought it was be good to clear some space in my head.
Also I thought itd probably be good to write about stuff while I could still remember it.
Those were the reasons.
Did the clearing your head bit work?
I was writing the book and writing the book.
Then I went onto a writing job for a little bit on a friends TV series.
Then there was all the promo for the book, which is whats currently happening.
So Im still in book mode!
You say you wanted to capture a lot of things whilst there in your head.
Just one life would have been testing enough.
No, because I think ultimately, everyone has had bad experiences.
Everyone in their life can look at things and go I could have done that differently.
And they can also say I wish that person had treated me better.
There are people and experiences I could have written about, definitely.
I can think of three, straight off the bat, as I talk to you now.
But there are some people I think oh, I wish theyd treated me better.
But I dont know what was going on in their lives at the time for a start.
Nobody hasnt had a bad experience as a consequence of the behaviour of other people.
Its what do you want to put out there?
The book is part of your legacy, and I didnt want a negative legacy really.
You make that point in the book.
I dont think thered been the cultural shift then.
I dont think I would have been as aware then.
Also,Little Britain, there was no opposition within the BBC to what we were doing.
The main concern at the time was that we were quite vulgar.
It would be a very different book ten years ago, I dont know if I know how.
In Sarah Sivermans memoir,Bedwetter, she weaponised things that she was bullied over.
I kind of get that sense with you, not least losing your hair so young.
To make that choice so early, to turn that into a weapon, a positive…
Definitely.
My sexuality even more so I think.
Are you conscious of wanting to give some of that back?
I prefer to use the word icon!
[laughs]
Okay, lets go with that.
Do you want it in block caps?
Actually, italics is fine.
But dont hold back.
Its going to sound weird, but people grow up watching you, and then you meet them.
but to some extent youre a custodian of their memories.
When you meet them, youre not just representing the show, but theyre experience of watching it.
Thats the thing I try and remind myself.
Theres a big gay fanbase forDoctor Whotoo.
I respect that and Im mindful of it, am grateful and humble too.
Its a real privilege to be part of someones life in that way specifically.
I know it sounds weird, but those are the things I try and remember when people come up.
Even when Im not having a good day, I try and get something out of every interaction.
Very occasionally, as Pearl Mackie says, youve got no chat left.
You cant turn fame on and off, there isnt a button you control.
People do recognise me in L.A., but context is everything.
If I go to the supermarket there, only one or two people will say hello.
Its all click and collect in the UK.
I still like going around the aisles!
A small thing, maybe, but an important one.
Theres a care with fan interaction onDoctor Who.
What has the fandom of the show given you back, though?
Thats a lovely question.
In a way, its maybe a little bit in the bank.
Its a really nice thing I think, actually.
I can compare it toLes Miserables, actually.
Thats also really appreciated.
Thats also a show and a world that speaks to people in a way that other shows dont.
Doctor Whofans are just great.
I love them, they look at the world differently.
The thing aboutDoctor Who… the things Im passionate about include musicals and football.
Both of those things are really polarising things.
So sometimes I meet people and you talk about Arsenal with them.
Other people go I dont watch football, and thats the end of that conversation.
I thinkDoctor Whois similar.
Were all members of the club!
Its an odd group.
I dont think theres the hierarchy that would often exist: Im in the show, you watch it.
That doesnt exist in the Whoniverse.
If you watch it, youre in!
I think thats something that exists just for that show!
I should note that yours is the only memoir Ive ever read with a Roland Rat reference in.
Yknow, my book is also for rat fans!
You got Mr Bronson in there too.
Youve ordered your book alphabetically, and G is for Gay in this case.
Its just a line or two in the book, but with such impact.
Sometimes, less is more.
I think thats the point.
you could definitely read between the lines in this book.
How did you feel when you knew that he knew?
I always thought it wouldnt have been okay with him.
And its about knowing that actually he was able to evolve.
That was… the book is kind of about evolving.
We all evolved in the book.
But you could only live in the time youre in.
There were no guarantees then that people would have accepted you for your sexuality.
In other ways he could have helped him a bit more than he did.
And I loved him very much.
If Id have been born 20 years later, maybe my parents could have been more proactive.
He also wanted to respect my privacy, I understand that.
He was saying that Im waiting for him to say something.
So I felt a lot of different feelings.
And it was a surprise to me.
I always though to myself, damn, I never told my dad.
And I didnt massively blame myself, because my dad just dropped down dead when I was 22.
It wasnt like I was 60 and never told him.
I was still very young.
But my overwhelming feeling was one of gratitude really.
I get a little bit of closure on that.
Now youve come through the other end, how do you feel?
I think, and Im not avoiding the question, that I dont know the answer to that yet.
Ive gone from that stint in the show to the book and straight into this press tour.
That is a question Ill be better able to answer in the next few years.
The other thing is, with this kind of grief, its not chronological.
It doesnt get better.
It comes and goes, and it always, it always comes back.
Its either there, or its not there but will be there.
Theres no escape from it.
Youre glad you did the show, though?
Im really glad I did it.
No regrets at all, only gratitude.
Im not sure my relationship with the show is over, either.
But I cant really go into great detail about that.
It remains a big part of my life, lets put it that way!
Inevitably words from others carry extra weight.
Im just going to do it, and sometimes I wont want to see people and sometimes I will.
But Im going to start to get back into the world.
Try and stay in the world if you could.
But you dont want weeks and months like that, or years like that.
If youre a smoker, you dont smoke 200 cigarettes a day.
Similarly, with staying in your room, there is a limit.
But every single day has to have something that youre looking forward to.
Move things around, cancel things.
Change it, and put something in that you look forward to every single day of your life.
One last thing: do you have a favourite Jason Statham film?
Im saying it because Im in it!
Matt Lucas, thank you very much.
Little Me: My Life From A-Zby Matt Lucas is available now from Canongate Books.
