This article comes fromDen of Geek UK.
Did you guys know there are now sixKickboxermovies?
The remake,Kickboxer: Vengeanceis released in the UK today.
But heres our look back at the first five films…
Kickboxeris my favourite Jean-Claude Van Damme film.
It may not be his best film, but it is my favourite.
Kickboxing champion Eric Sloane (Dennis Alexio) is tired of thrashing the competition in the US.
The best fighters, hes told, are competing in Thailand.
Its main strength is its great fight scenes.
Its wildly over the top with great impact sounds and intensity faces from the participants.
Also of note in this final battle scene is the skimpy clothing worn by the two fighters.
A major section of the movie covers Kurts training.
It starts out odd and gets weirder from there.
But you are… American!
Jean Claude Van Damme?
Van Damme spends much of his time practicing super-high kicks.
Its impressive, although probably worth considering that Tong Po is shorter than him.
Still, if it turns out that he has to fight Tong Po on some steps hes laughing.
Another sequence sees JCVD learning Muay Thai in nature while a bird of prey looks on.
Then theres the bar brawl ruckus, which sees a drunken Van Damme go on a splits-fighting rampage.
There are problems withKickboxer, though.
Theres the gangster storyline, which isnt badly done, but doesnt fit.
The inciting incident inKickboxeris the bout in which Eric is horrifically injured.
Eric was already badly hurt from their match when Tong Po delivers an unnecessary blow to his spine.
Up until that point, Erics beating was entirely deserved.
Again, arrogantly, he doesnt listen.
Still, maybe thats reading too much into a film that features this scene.
Kickboxer 2: The Road Back
Ahhh, cool.
They werent able to get Jean-Claude Van Damme back!
is not how I reacted to this sequel.
His generosity didnt get his brothers killed).
David is shot, his gym is burned down and his most promising young fighter is poached.
Then David sets about fighting Tong Pos face off.
The first half hour ofKickboxer 2is alright.
Sloan is played by Sasha Mitchell, who is the best thing about this film.
Around the point where the gym gets burned down the film craps itself.
Its revenge and revenge and revenge and revenge.
Thats too many revenges.
By piling on more and more motivation theyve over-stacked it and bloated out the story.
Theres no pace after this point, either.
A 90 minute film passes over what feels like a good few hours.
The fight scenes are terrible.
Its a shame, too, because the film clearly contains some talented martial artists.
At the very least the bout should be ruled a no contest.
Kickboxer 3: The Art of War
Kickboxer 3sees Sasha Mitchell return as David Sloan.
Very much theFast 5of theKickboxerfranchise, this instalment sees the action moved to Brazil.
But will Sloan have to throw the big fight to get her back?
Kickboxer 3is a better film thanKickboxer 2.
It has a tone better suited to its subject matter.
Its more fun, the story is simpler.
The best thing aboutKickboxer 2is the best thing aboutKickboxer 3.
Thats star Sasha Mitchell.
His nice guy David is a grand action hero.
Hes positive, sweet and pleasant.
Hes a great kickboxer, too, with plenty of super jumping kicks and spinning doo-dahs.
In this one hes always dressed in the most brilliantly colourful 90s clothing.
The fights inKickboxer 3are much better.
Its worth noting, though, that no holds barred is pretty fun.
The villain inKickboxer 3is pretty good, too.
Hes a creep with a punchable face who occasionally wears a bow tie.
That said, his plan stinks of Godzilla farts.
He wants David Sloan to lose so he can make a fortune gambling on the fight.
He has kidnapped a young girl that Sloan wants freed.
Probably just make him throw the fight next time, chap.
I remain unconvinced that they didnt just massacre a family after going to the wrong address.
Its not bad, though.
Hes only in bloody prison.
Sloans only too keen to accept the offer as Po has been keeping Sloans wife prisoner for two years.
But can Tong Po be beaten?
Again, I mean.
Obviously he was already beaten inKickboxer 1and2.
Can Tong Po be beaten for a third time by a guy who already beat him?
Again Sasha Mitchell is the best thing in the film.
Easily the strangest element ofKickboxer 4is the returning Tong Po.
In this film, hes just not the same guy.
Also, hes literally not the same guy.
The fights leading up to the final fight are okay.
When Tong Po is soundly beaten, he legitimately scampers away into the bushes like a humiliated badger.
Weve covered action movie fighting so its only right that we move on to sexual confusion.
Holy shit,Kickboxer 4is horny and it has no idea who or what turned it on.
It feels a little gross and cynical.
For me, this actually oversold the eroticism.
We get it,Kickboxer 4; large breasts and ninja slaughter are the sexiest things in existence.
So,Kickboxer 4.
Think theMortal Kombatmovie, but worse.
No, youve just started thinking aboutMortal Kombat: Annihilation.
Ok, thinkMortal Kombat: Annihilationbut just as bad and different.
Kickboxer 5: Redemption
You know what?
You watchKickboxer 5if youre so desperate to find out about it.
Why is it always me that has to watch theKickboxersequels?
What did I ever do?
Sorry, that was unprofessional.
Ill say this forKickboxer 5:its rare to find a film this stupid thats also incredibly boring.
In that sense, and that sense alone, its something of an achievement.
New lead Mark Dascascos is fine, although he lacks Sasha Mitchells charm and Van Dammes all-round perfectness.
At one of point the main villain describes the plot ofKickboxer 5as absurd.
At another point he remarks that the two good guys are running round the country like they own it!
Kickboxer 5is a Kickboxer film with next to no kickboxing in it.
Well played, whoever spent an afternoon huffing paint fumes and making that decision.
The action scenes are not well photographed or choreographed.
Kickboxer 5is certainly noKickboxer 3.
This article first appeared in 2014.
