In the mid-80s, KISS Gene Simmons tried his hand at acting.
He never really broke out, but he had plenty of fun.
Here is a selection of the prime cuts.
His life and work become considerably more complicated when robots begin to kill their human masters.
He plans to sell the chips to the highest bidders potentially the mob or terrorist groups.
As long as he gets money, he does not care what happens to his gizmos.
Best line:That wasnt very nice, Ramsay!
KISS references?No references that I could see.
He doesnt wear makeup, which KISS didnt do in the mid eighties.
Having completed this task, the role was his.
This dedication certainly carries over into his performance.
Simmons plays Luther like a machine, with unblinking eyes and a flat tone of voice.
Even when he shows emotion, Simmons remains deliciously subdued.
An ever-so-slight bounce begins to enter his voice as his scheme begins to come together.
There is not a lot to the role, but Simmons is clearly relishing every moment.
And all the evidence is leading back to one person…
Who?Oh boy, where to start?
Simmons plays Velvet von Ragner, an evil hermaphrodite who leads an army of Mad Max-style crazies.
A relic from less enlightened times, Velvet is awesomely offensive and offensively awesome at the same time.
Evil plan:Velvet plans to reroute atomic waste to pollute a nameless citys water supply.
Uh… he also needs a computer disk in Lances possession.
Publicity for Velvets nightclub act?
And the SOB carries it off.
Best line:Oh, what a sexy shade of purple.
Said while inspecting a simulation of toxic waste polluting water.
This line really sums up Velvets… idiosyncratic view of the world.
Simmonss grin seals the deal.
KISS references?Two.
The look was intended to replicate the costumes of KISS.
There are too many great WTF moments to mention.
The opening scene, in which Velvet oversees a bizarre team meeting-cum-crucifixion(?
), sets the bar pretty high, and gets things off to a suitably insane start.
Velvet basically lays out the plot and revs up the mob of minions by insulting them.
And there is Velvets nightclub act, which Im still trying to get my head around.
One minute, Velvet is a famous terrorist, the next, a torch singer.
The only thing missing was the Doof Warrior fromFury Roadas the musical accompaniment.
This leads to a great scene in which Velvet meets Lance after the show.
Lance wants to bug the room, and pretends to be a fan.
Velvet sees through the ruse but plays along, even trying to put the moves on our square hero.
Simmonss swagger and seductive purr are either flawless acting choices or an insight into KISS backstage shenanigans.
There are other highlights: the scene where he reveals that hes been (Spoilers!)
Simmons is in a completely different movie.
Who?Malak Al Rahim.
Hes an Arab terrorist who likes to blow up stuff.
Thats literally all we know about him.
Evil plan:A bit murky.
He wants revenge against bounty hunter Randall for killing his comrades in a mission nine years before.
He also wants to blow stuff up.
And thats about it.
Its pretty bad, but also pretty by the numbers which sums up the movie.
KISS references?Nope.
This category is proving to be extremely redundant.
Death:Pretty good.
Nick shoves a grenade in Rahims mouth and blows him up.
Review:Simmons is relatively low-key here, and does not get a lot of screen time.
They are just cartoonish mid-east terrorists.
It does not help that Rahim runs his sleeper cell out of a falafel shop.
I had to stop the movie at the point and see to it I wasnt watchingThe Naked Gun.
An underwhelming finale for the Demon.
Its too bad Simmons didnt keep up acting.
Say what you will about the man, but hes a decent actor.
It might have led somewhere interesting.
He has a fun, ever-so-slightly outsized presence onscreen and gives his villains a dash of panache.
He would have been totally at home among the Bennetts, Paynes and Raynes.
