If this were NBA Jam, Cersei would be on fire.
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Euron Greyjoy
Goddamn Pilou Asbk for making me like Euron Greyjoy.
Euron has the swagger Daario Naharis thinks he has.
Hell, the guy even has a magical teleporting fleet.
Jon Snow
Now on to the guy whos having the least fun in the Seven Kingdoms.
But just because he made the right decision doesnt mean hes a master negotiator.
Maybe because that technically makes him undead too?
Its probably just because hes so modest.
What magic did he use?
Who was the foreign genius who performed such a mysterious procedure?
Tom Petty and I have said it before, but even the losers get lucky sometime.
Now hurry to Dragonstone, Jorah.
Daenerys needs someone who actually knows something about military strategy.
Olenna Tyrell
Even though she died, putting her in the Losers column just doesnt feel right.
Olenna Tyrell was an unadulterated gangster right up until her final moments.
She took some parting shots at the Kingslayer, Cersei, and even her own family.
The Queen of Thorns drew blood one last time.
A loser in the Game of Thrones, a winner in our hearts.
So hows her conquest of Westeros going?Not great, Bob.
Hey, it wouldnt be a story without a little descent, right?
Ellaria Sand
Yikes.
If you’re able to see everything, you could see that this was super uncool, dude.
This should have been cute and emotional and instead it was awkward and uncomfortable.
Tyrion Lannister
For someone so clever, Tyrion sure is being stupid.
Sure, he used his old Hoe Door to break into Casterly Rock, but no one was home!
Thats a huge error.
Maybe the wine is starting to cloud the little ones judgement.
Ollena admitted to killing his son and he just turned and walked away!
I think I know how to help out the Kingslayer: bring back thered leather jacket!
The coolest accessory in Westeros will surely bring his confidence back.
Stylish, flashy, and sensible in any climate, this jacket will help Jaime get his groove back.
People wont even notice his missing hand when hes wearing such fashionable outwear.
How could you dog someone with such impeccable taste?
Bring back the leather jacket, Jaime.
QUICK HITS
Samwell Tarly You cured the incurable!
Now transcribe these documents.
LOSER
Littlefinger Great speech.
WINNER
Varys He has to die in Westeros?
What does that mean?!
LOSER
Theon Greyjoy Alive, but not well.
LOSER
Davos Seaworth Excuse his Fleabottom accent, but hes the only one making any goddamn sense around here.
WINNER
Grey Worm At least its a nice castle.
LOSER
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