In the early 90s, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were the kings of childrens entertainment.
They were everywhere and like all successful concepts, they were followed by copycats.
To a point, at least.
I want to talk to you aboutBattletoads.
Not only does this include the original, tough-as-nailsBattletoads, but the brilliant arcade game as well.
Theres other good stuff mixed in there, such asConkers Bad Fur Day,Perfect Dark, and theBanjo-Kazooieseries.
If anything, people talk abouthow frustratingly hard it is.
Believe me, its a fantastic game.
Some of the best designs and ideas in any NES game for sure.
Its just so unforgivinglyhard.
That always seemed weird to me.
Why give us three toads when one isnt even on the board to begin with?
At least theNinja Turtlesgames never said, Mikey, Don, and, Raph arent playable.
Enjoy using Leo and only Leo!
Its something that will come up a few more times in the following installments.
So far so good.
The levels are each a pain in the ass, and were given a couple of unforgiving roadblocks.
For one, there are only a set amount of continues.
Once you lose all of your lives three times, youre done and have to start from the beginning.
Not too great when a lot of the game is trial and error with one-hit kills filled throughout.
The second roadblock is that when youre playing with two players, neither is immune to the others offense.
Theres a glitch in a later level where the second players toad simply wont move and immediately dies.
Despite all the problems with the difficulty, there was still reason to keep coming back for more abuse.
It wasnt like it was a poorly made game.
It was just hard.
The games design was just too good and fun.
For being just NES sprites, Rash and Zitz came with so much moxie.
Then theres the villain designs, which, again, for NES sprites, really feel fairly realized.
Last but not least is the Dark Queen, the final boss and main villain.
Her inclusion is both memorable and kind of awkward.
I mean, look at her.
Sometimes shes normal height.
It varies from game to game.
His stuff is top-notch in the NES version, but the follow-ups increase in musical quality.
The first issue deals with the Battletoads origin, and its not especially brilliant.
Pretty extreme, but okay.
Turns out, the world ofBattletoadsis a separate dimension that Volkmire accidentally tapped into when writing code.
The only time she doesnt have it draped like that is whenever shes shown from behind.
Then they get saved by their new mentor/hype guy Professor T-Bird, and we have something resembling a plot.
The second issue goes through the various levels, mostly explained by T-Bird, Dark Queen, and Volkmire.
Confusing all of this was the franchises visits to the Game Boy.
It was, in fact, a completely different game.
So in review,BattletoadsisntBattletoads, butBattletoads in Ragnaroks WorldisBattletoads.
1993 gave us two moreBattletoadsgames.
First wasBattletoads in Battlemaniacsfor SNES.
It is a stunningly good-looking game with some of the best music on the system.
The first level is promising and overflowing with fun.
Then…it meanders away.
In this game, you play as Pimple and Rash.
Theyre after the Dark Queen because, you guessed it,Zitz got kidnapped.
This time, it isnt just Dark Queen behind the badness, but Silas Volkmire himself.
This screen shot from the intro is the only time hes ever shown in the game.
Whether or not you shoot him down with missiles leads to different endings.
The Battletoads seek out the Lee twins, and Im suddenly confused.
I probably shouldnt think too hard about this.
The game feels about 4/5Battletoadsand maybe 1/5Double Dragon.
For some reason, every human boss character is twice the size of the Lees and toads.
Its still less silly than the time Marvel decided that Stan Lee was the father of Billy and Jimmy.
The natural thing to do was step forward into the world of animation.
Well…not exactly.
For several years, they would be doing blocks of cartoon pilots that never got picked up.
A big pile of cartoons that they had no use for otherwise.
It was like an animation graveyard in a way.
In November of 1992, they gave us the one and only televised showing ofBattletoads.
The cartoon was written by David Wise.
No, not the guy behind the amazing in-game music, but a completely different David Wise.
Yeah, go figure.
This David Wise was one of the top writers on theNinja Turtlescartoon, so it was an apt assignment.
What we got wasnt very good.
The video game programmer origin was reworked so that Dave, Morgan, and George are teenage losers.
Some notes about the show:
The theme song is a Beach Boys knockoff, and its pretty embarrassing.
The plot is completely bonkers and comes off as something written by theAxe Copkid.
At one point, Rash is fighting General Slaughter.
As Slaughter races at him, Rash turns his arm into an anvil and smashes him.
Inventive, Ill admit.
But then Rash says, Gets em every time!
Um…what are you talking about, man?!
Its the first episode!
We know for a fact that its the first and only time youve ever done that to him!
This is easily mistaken for, LETS GET HORNY!
which is still toad-related, so it almost works.
That never got picked up.
It seems theBattletoadsname was never going to break out into pop culture.
Not that I disagree.
But ifBattletoadswas going to die, at least the series went out on a major high note.
In 1994, the trio graced the arcade withSuper Battletoads.
It rocked so hard.
Rare decided that maybe, for once, they should actually do a game thats mostly fighting.
Take the best part of the SNES game and make a faster, more energetic experience out of it.
Thats the interesting thing about this game.
Blood flows all over the place.
Rash is able to decapitate his enemies by turning his leg into an axe.
Zitz can run his drill hand through his enemies faces.
Sadly, the Dark Queens gratuitous nipples never made it to SNES or any other system.
That was all she wrote forBattletoadsfor the next couple decades.
There have been rumblings on and off to bring the Toads with Tude back for another adventure or two.
At the very least, they have made a special appearance in the Xbox One version ofShovel Knight.
Seeing Shovel Knight as a fellow hero, they offer to train him.
By the end, he takes on all three at the same time.
Afterwards, Shovel Knight is deemed an honorary toad and is invited to strike a pose with them.
you could also have The Baz join in!
If you dont know who that is…well,hes a story for another day.
Gavin Jasper thought you was a toad.
Do not seek the treasure.Just follow him on Twitter.
