Any tabloid writers reading?
Looking for more things you could pin on videogaming?
Weve got some suggestions for you…
It seems that were in the silly season for pinning the blame on videogames at the moment.
The latest is that videogames depict scenes that show war crimes, which Ivehad a rant about here.
And at no point in theTony Hawksgames is the player encouraged to deal with their basic civil responsibilities.
Suggested emotive tabloid headline: Videogames make the world smell
2.
Global warmingHave you ever seen how many explosions there are in videogames?
This is clearly teaching our youngsters to burn things, and in turn, make the world hot.
Which is how they like it, as a result.
Games treat such important matters in such a blase fashion, and thats where the kids get it from.
Its nothing to do with the excesses of humankind pumping bilge into the atmosphere for decades.
According to a major new study from Skegness Polytechnic, itsThe Simsthat are to blame.
We should be grateful for these brave researchers for finding out such crucial information.
Give them all bonuses.
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Suggested emotive tabloid headline: Global Pwning
3.
Too much time on the old Nintendo as a nipper, that one.
Nintendo: George Bush is all your fault.
Suggested emotive tabloid headline: Super Mario Fucks Up The World For Absolutely Everybody
4.
The Jonas BrothersEver since games started coming shipped with microphones, we knew something like this would happen.
Suggested emotive tabloid headline: Videogames cause worldwide concurrent gouging out of eardrums
5.
We blame those resource management games that teach you that its profit at all costs.
Who remembersTheme Parkand the originalSim City?
The seeds to our downfall are to be found right there, friends.
Buying in soft drinks and selling them at big margins?
Allowing parts of cities to fall into disrepair to save costs?
Evil videogames are to blame.
Suggested emotive tabloid headline: Evil games leave millions penniless
6.
Swine flu
Think about it.
How well have pigs been treated in the world of videogames?
RememberPsycho Pigs UXBin the 80s, which featured the porkers going and basically blowing themselves up?
There will be slaughter and butchery.
With victory comes great reward.
With any luck, well all be home in time for Christmas.
Admit it, youd have been tempted to invent a disease and infect all of humanity, too.
Suggested emotive tabloid headline: Now videogames are wiping out mankind
7.
Thats all were saying.
Suggested emotive tabloid headline: The hidden damage that Xbox 360 has done to our world
8.
The rest, friends, is history.
And all, clearly, your fault.
The credit crunchThey wanted 55-fecking-quid forModern Warfare 2.
No wonder were all broke.
Suggested emotive tabloid headline: New wave in street crime linked to rise in game costs
10.
The rise in fuel costsIts alright all you gamers being happy clappy when a big new release comes along.
But what happens when you all get your copy ofModern Warfare2?
You all go home and play it, dont you?
Using up electricity without a care in the bloody world?
Havent you got any bikes it’s possible for you to play on instead?
Dont you think of anyone other than yourself?
Dont you know that youre diverting fuel resources away fromIm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here?
You just dont care, do you?
Suggested emotive tabloid headline: Global power crisis down to selfish videogame generation
